Lent

Growing up I always thought Lent was for Catholics and never thought of giving anything up during these 40 days before Easter, but I've realized a few things since then. A lot of the "traditional" practices that I was scared of growing up are actually really awesome to take part in as long as your faith doesn't become all about them. And I've also realized that it is very important to prepare for the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord because otherwise Easter will sneak up on you and you won't be able to fully enjoy and appreciate his life and the life we have in him if we don't first experience some sort of death.

That being said, I'm participating in Lent this year by giving up sugar. It might sound small but treats and yummy things honestly hold a fairly high place in my life (i know, it's sad). It's a comfort and something I indulge in daily. But I'm giving it up because I want to uncover who I am without that delicious dependency. I want to strip away those things that allow me to hide and cover up the things of my heart so that I can deal with those issues and ask God into the places of my life. Because knowing my areas of struggle is the first step. If i don't know what's broken, how can I fix it?

It's Thursday and I'm barely two days in to this 40 day journey but already I am starting to notice things about myself. Day 1 I caught myself multiple times about to grab a starburst or cookie after a meal purely out of habit. Most of the time it was to satisfy my craving for something sweet but I think that I did it sometimes as a way to better my mood or the situation. And today, I caught myself feeling almost a sense of injustice as I sat there staring at a scone and knowing I couldn't have it. I felt entitled to enjoy it.

I realize how crazy this sounds to really dive into my feelings about the loss of sugar in my life but honestly I think this is somewhat representative of my heart. That I "reach for things" or sin without even realizing that I'm doing it or why I'm doing it. It's like I am trying to fix something without knowing what's broken so I end up using the wrong remedy. Instead of figuring out what is wrong and the best way to fix it, I just do something to make me feel better. Because the first option is too painful and time consuming and I want to feel good now. And secondly, I feel entitled to and tempted by sin and feel mad when i have to restrain from indulging myself.

Wow. This stuff is ugly. But necessary for growth. To learn where I have struggles, bring them to Jesus, and to continue in the journey of reconciliation.

Perspective

One of the main reasons I love circles is because it helps me realize that me and my worries are actually really small and that my life is only a tiny part of God’s story. It’s encouraging to hear both the positive and hard things going on in each of your lives because it’s a reminder that God is at work. That he is growing and leading each of us very uniquely and for his glory. And it looks different for each of us which allows us to see more clearly the character of God. Throughout the week I often get caught up in my own circumstances with work, friends and decisions to be made and it’s sometimes hard to see past my life. But on Sunday afternoons I am deeply encouraged that God has his hand in all of our lives and I feel so blessed to witness the ways in which he uses us.
So thanks for showing up week after week and speaking your mind and sharing what’s happening in your life because it’s a true testament to God’s power and love and care for us as his body.

So this is the new year...

It seems kind of silly but I am so excited for this new year, mostly for the newness of it and what I have to look forward to. There is so much hope and room for growth with the beginning of a new season and it inspires me to do something instead of watching the time pass on by as I sit comfortably on my couch. With the start of this new year, I kind of feel like I'm on the same page as everyone else, like I have some sort of bond with strangers that I pass by on a daily basis. Everyone has goals and ideas and expectations for what this year will hold and at this point it seems like nothing with come in between us and accomplishing out dreams. I know there will come a day when I will skip my daily Bible reading, or forget to write in my journal, but as of today (6 days in) I feel pretty confident about sticking to it. It's a season of hope and joy and decisions to live life differently. And I don't know what it is about the first week or two of January that make me feel like I can do anything but I wish that stayed with me year round.

I made quite a few goals this year (both big and small) and below is one of them, to plant the garden I've always wanted and actually eat the stuff that grows in it. So when you see me, ask me about my garden and maybe even invite yourself over to share in a meal of leafy greens or something seasoned with rosemary or basil. Here's to 2012 and setting out to accomplish the little things, and the big ones too. Cheers!