the journey continues

Perspective

2012-01-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

One of the main reasons I love circles is because it helps me realize that me and my worries are actually really small and that my life is only a tiny part of God’s story. It’s encouraging to hear both the positive and hard things going on in each of your lives because it’s a reminder that God is at work. That he is growing and leading each of us very uniquely and for his glory. And it looks different for each of us which allows us to see more clearly the character of God. Throughout the week I often get caught up in my own circumstances with work, friends and decisions to be made and it’s sometimes hard to see past my life. But on Sunday afternoons I am deeply encouraged that God has his hand in all of our lives and I feel so blessed to witness the ways in which he uses us.
So thanks for showing up week after week and speaking your mind and sharing what’s happening in your life because it’s a true testament to God’s power and love and care for us as his body.

So this is the new year...

2012-01-06T15:20:00.000-08:00

It seems kind of silly but I am so excited for this new year, mostly for the newness of it and what I have to look forward to. There is so much hope and room for growth with the beginning of a new season and it inspires me to do something instead of watching the time pass on by as I sit comfortably on my couch. With the start of this new year, I kind of feel like I'm on the same page as everyone else, like I have some sort of bond with strangers that I pass by on a daily basis. Everyone has goals and ideas and expectations for what this year will hold and at this point it seems like nothing with come in between us and accomplishing out dreams. I know there will come a day when I will skip my daily Bible reading, or forget to write in my journal, but as of today (6 days in) I feel pretty confident about sticking to it. It's a season of hope and joy and decisions to live life differently. And I don't know what it is about the first week or two of January that make me feel like I can do anything but I wish that stayed with me year round.

I made quite a few goals this year (both big and small) and below is one of them, to plant the garden I've always wanted and actually eat the stuff that grows in it. So when you see me, ask me about my garden and maybe even invite yourself over to share in a meal of leafy greens or something seasoned with rosemary or basil. Here's to 2012 and setting out to accomplish the little things, and the big ones too. Cheers!

Ordinary radicals

2011-11-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

I read an article today that totally hit home with me. It's about a couple who wanted to live radically. Who moved to Africa and China and lived on basically nothing and when they came home to the U.S. found themselves struggling to live radically while paying bills and buying expensive things. If you have a second you should read this...

It gave me a fresh perspective on what it means to live like Jesus and for him. To not get stuck into conformity but to make tough decisions and risks even in the mundane everyday life. Yes, it's necessary to buy certain things, but it gets messy when we view those things as an end-all. Yes, it's difficult to live in community, but that's what we were made for. Yes, some people we know buy a lot of expensive things that we don't really agree with, but who are we to judge? We don't know their motives. And God wants us to enjoy life.

I'm sure all of us have experienced times where we want nothing ordinary, we are sold out to God and his plans for us and we don't care if our surroundings and society think we are weird. But so often we lose that passion and become complacent. So what does it look like to live in the in-between? To understand that doing some things like the world does is okay, but to also take steps that keep us from just blending in with the crowd.

I keep asking myself, "How will you live radically today?" And not for the sake of living radically but because Jesus' kingdom is bigger and better than the world's and I definitely don't want to miss out on it.

New

2011-11-19T20:40:00.000-08:00

So clearly I have been avoiding this part (the blogging part) of my circles duties but I just haven't found the motivation to sit down and write about myself and how I'm doing.

I'm in a weird place. Everything in this season of life is new. New house. New job. New routines. New friends (you guys). And all this NEW is a good kind of NEW. I should be fine. I'm not scared of new. Typically, I'm the kind of person who likes new very much. Who decides on a whim to travel or move somewhere just for the sake of newness. I like when things change and I've thought for so long that I thrive on it. Well here I am in the midst of all this newness and I'm feeling anything but new. I feel Old. Numb. Complacent. I feel like God has been preparing me for this season and now that I'm here, I have no idea what to do with it, or with myself. I'm not grasping on to what he's given me and I'm not striving to see what role he has given me in his story.

But I want to want more of God. I long to desire his will so much that my agenda no longer matters. I know that God satisfies those who hunger and thirst after him but I need to get to that point. I want to yearn for Him and not be satisfied by anything else.

I guess I want to catch up to the rest of the newness in my life. I want to be made new and in that newness seek God and find him and find myself in him.

Side note: After sitting down to read a lot of your blogs, I felt fuller. As I stepped back from my own life to look at even a few of your stories, it is clear that God is doing his thing and he's so much bigger than I usually give him credit for. Thanks for being so open and real in your posts.

Why wait?

2011-10-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

Lately my life has been stuck in a season of waiting. And the phrase, "if you are willing to wait" has come up a lot. Well, two times but in two very big ways.

We've been looking to move into a new apartment for a while (our first one of our married life, since we were sharing with roommates in Uganda and have been living with David's parents since we returned) and at the very beginning of October we found the perfect one. Once we did all the work of applying, getting copies of our licenses, pay stubs, and credit reports we finally go the word back. "If you're willing to wait a month to move in, it's all yours."

And two days ago I called Peet's to follow up after my interview and after being put on hold, was told that "If you are willing to wait 2 more weeks to start, we would be happy to have you."

Yes of course I am willing to wait for a great apartment and a fun coffee shop job at a place I love, but am I happy about it? No. I don't like to wait because I was brought up in a society that tells me I need things now. The snicker's slogan, "Why wait" is a perfect example of our culture's desire to satisfy our needs now. It instills in us that we are entitled to meeting our comforts and wants now and not later.

But isn't there significance in a season of waiting? Aren't there things to be learned and ways to grow during times like these? I know that I will appreciate my job and apartment a lot more because I have waited for them. But what does God want to teach me during this time? And what should I be doing so that I don't miss out?

These are the things I will be pondering for the next few weeks.

identity

2011-10-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am so inspired by the message last night. Inspired to live in a way that is founded on the fact that I am a child of God and that my identity is found within him.

I am often guilty of living in a way that is defined by outside indicators. One day I can be so happy and confident and free, and the next I'll feel like I have no purpose, no drive, like I'm losing myself. But when I really think about it, it is because I have been finding my identity in what people say to me, what they think of me, what I think of me, the things that I'm doing, and the groups I hang out with. When I don't feel affirmed or loved, or successful, I assume that I'm not instead of assuring myself that it doesn't matter. I grasp onto both positive and negative feedback and allow those to define who I am, and it is constantly changing. But I'm done with that.

Towards the end of the sermon I felt almost a physical freedom just knowing that I am not defined by others, what groups I'm in, or even by what I think about myself. It's a faith issue but I just have to rest assured that I am identified by the way Christ sees me.

So now how do I live in that? What does that look like to be rooted in our loving God and find our identity within him? What does he say about me? What does he call me to?

I can no longer live for myself. I have been reconciled, my trespasses are no longer counted against me, I am a new creation, I have been entrusted to share the message of reconciliation. We are literally God's hands and feet on this earth, so why I am just sitting around? I have a job to do.

My motivation needs to change. What if I did what I do motivated by the surpassing worth of Christ Jesus and who I am in him instead of being motivated by the hope to be known or liked or loved? What if, like Paul, I counted everything else a loss for the sake of knowing Christ?

It's going to be a process and I'm not sure what it looks like, but I will start by focusing this week on being defined by the atoning work of Christ.
Who's with me?

FAMILY

2011-09-26T17:08:00.001-07:00

Last night's sermon at Rock Harbor really hit home for me. Mostly because a lot of the ideas spoken were things that I was realizing and feeling earlier that day.

Lately I've been feeling kind of dry. Trapped in my own life and feelings and not really reaching out or attempting to care much about the people around me. I've been feeling stuck and without purpose which has made my focus turn inward and my attitude turn complacent.

Our first meeting as a group was rejuvenating. Not so much listening to all the technical stuff but glancing around the circle at new faces and talking with a few of you knowing that we were all about to start a new journey together brought me joy.

And then as the 7pm worship began I felt something I hadn't felt in a while. I felt alive. Drenched. A part of something bigger. Because I allowed myself to stop dwelling on myself. I allowed myself to look beyond me and see myself as a part of the whole. A slice (if you will). I was worshipping my creator along side a bunch of friends and people I had just met who were worshipping their creator and it was a beautiful thing.

I truly agree with what Jonny said about not being able to live the Christian life alone. It is boring. And stagnant. And leaves little room for growth. And I'm ready for something different. I'm ready to be a part of a family. To be vulnerable. To get to know you people and how to really care for you. And to find my part in it all and to allow God to grow me through relationships with all of you.

Because we need people. We need family. I need you. And you need me.

...if not for perspective

2008-09-28T01:20:00.001-07:00

ok so i'm one of those people who likes things more for the packaging they come in. my favorite packages are the ones with little sayings or quotes. i can't get enough of them. dove chocolates, starbucks cups, good earth tea bags. they're great. i love them all. and i find myself eating more doves or getting another starbucks just for the sake of reading the saying and hoping that the one i get will be one that i have never read. it's kind of ridiculous how much i love reading these sayings for the first time. i mean maybe it's because i'm curious as to what could be good enough to make the cut to end up on this fine piece of packaging. or perhaps i am in search of a motto to live by...either way, it's an addiction and keeps me buying more, so props to the marketing companies.
the last good earth tea bag i drank read, "and why do we climb if not for perspective?" possibly one of my favorites thus far. and it got me thinking why do we do most things if not to see life from a new perspective? that quote could have easily said, and why do we paint/ travel/ listen/ run/ bike/etc if not for perspective? i feel like the times where life seems dull are the times when i am stuck looking at it out of the same old lens. i have to do something out of the ordinary and find another vantage point in order to enjoy the things around me.
so that's it then. my brain is stimulated by these simple little words. and with that i am off to drink a cup of tea. good earth of course. i wonder what that tiny piece of paper holds for me

"home"-sick

2008-09-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

so i've been back in southern california for almost a month now and it's great. i love being back by the beach with close friends and being back at school...but i still find myself still missing so much about portland. it was only my home for a few months but i think that it will always feel like home to me.

these are things that i miss most about portland..

choco chip/peanut butter nights with mar

hiking in the gorge

last thursday on alberta street

the view from my room

hood river

powell's

heather

the waterfront

people biking

my roommates

stumptown coffee

sweet potato fries

thunderstorms

my home community (the pearl)

mt tabor

farmers markets

kickball

trips to the coast

eastside p-town

sunday dinners

nw 23rd street

tea chai te

the max

imago people

my friends on sandy and 9th

the air up there

watching the planes land on the runway at night

the drive through the gorge

all of these things make me realize that i will definitely end up there someday...the question is when?

chicken soup for the... vegan soul

2008-07-03T23:45:00.001-07:00

you've heard of these books am i right? chicken soup for the dog lover's soul...for the pre-teen soul...for the american idol soul. no joke. these are all real titles. and there are hundreds more that exist in our world today.

but why chicken soup? i'm not sure that would be my choice of sustenance to put on the cover of a book. chicken soup makes me think of being sick and not being able to keep down any solid food so this yellowish chunky nourishment becomes the last resort. why not apple pie for the soul or vanilla latte for the soul. those sound much more appealing to me. but perhaps i'm missing the point of these fairly popular books, i'm just saying that i would have gone about it differently.

my other question is why so many? i mean really, how does the ocean lover's edition differ from the beach lover's? and why is there a woman golfer's soul and a golfer's soul but not a man golfer's soul? and i'm convinced that right at this very moment somewhere, someone is creating yet a new chicken soup book. but perhaps this one will be dedicated to all of those trapeze swinger's souls. who knows. your guess is as good as mine. i'm pretty sure any title is possible except for maybe chicken soup for the vegan or vegetarian soul. that would be a bit contradicting.

..just a thought on a late thursday night

good mo(u)rning sun

2008-07-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

yesterday morning i practically jolted out of my slumber due to the crazy bright sun coming through my ever-opened window above my head. a quick glance at the clock told me it was way too early to have my eyes open (6am) and when i finally pulled my lazy body from my twisted sheets to turn around and give the sun a proper good morning i silently scolded myself for not doing so earlier. the rising sun was straight at eye level as i gazed through my 2nd story window and i knew i had probably missed the prettiest view, but nevertheless i saw it and it was beautiful. seemingly overnight, the portland skies had grown hazy and smoky because of the california fires and consequently the sun burned a blood red; the clouds around it attempting to emulate the same deep shade and actually coming quite close in parts. it was almost as if the sun was bleeding as it mourned for the life lost in the california flames. it's crazy to think that the fires affected areas so far north. but what was devestating hundreds of miles away, positively affected things here and created something so beautiful in portland, right outside of my window, almost as if it were just for me to enjoy. and those people directly or indirectly harmed by the fire will never know how much beauty came from their pain. my delight in seeing the sun such a unique color was in no way worth the devestation caused by the fires, but pretty cool to see some sort of redemption.

..check out the tiny lady bug hiding in the flowers, no

doubt basking in the beauty

leaving

2008-06-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

it's interesting how sometimes you have to leave where you're at in order to see things for what they are... or perhaps even to see that things aren't what you thought they were. because when you leave the place you are comfortable in you begin to ask questions and start to see things in a new way. you realize that nothing that is happening to you or around you is normal. what is normal? and why are we assumed to behave a certain way? why is it not "normal" to go somewhere whithout having a plan? you begin to question and think harder about the simple and mundane. and in a new place it seems as though nothing can or should be taken for granted because it is all a part of your experience. and you better soak it all up cuz you know you won't be there forever.

when you're stuck in the same place for too long, it's hard to step out of your comfort zone. you become trapped within your daily routines, occasionally trying something new, however, your view of your surroundings has already been set in stone and it is difficult to adjust your eyes to new lighting.

so what's it about? it's about the 2 guys that sell fruit and vegetables on the side of the road. in your own setting, they are just "those guys" and they stay that way in your mind because you are comfortable where you're at and don't feel the need to mingle your life with their's. but in a new place, doing just that is an adventure. those 2 guys become j.r., more affectionately referred to as frickin indiana jones, and jimmy, the hustler, who actually have more in common with you than you think. indiana jones studied cultural anthropology and went on to work with native tribes in the upper north west and jimmy is just trying to make a living and loves fresh cantalope. it makes me wonder who "those guys" are back home.

what i'm getting at is that we take life for granted and even people for granted when we are comfortable. but that's just it. we weren't meant to live comfortable lives centered around ourselves. and it took leaving the things i knew (or thought i knew) for me to figure that out.

so where are you and how long have you been there? perhaps it's time to leave. time to leave your own idea of comfort and venture into the big wide world around you. time to ask questions and see things from a different point of view. it's time to go. so pack your bags. and leave. but don't worry. you'll be back.

mt. tabor...my new favorite place

2008-06-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

when you live in a city, it is necessary to have a place of escape. somewhere to go to that no matter what mood you are in, you know that place will be just what you need. in the past that place for me was the beach, but now that the beach is an hour away, i have found my new place. and the name of it is mt. tabor. hiking up and down the winding paths you could almost convince yourself that you're somewhere far away from city life and nature itself is the only company you keep. but once you reach the top, you have a complete and almost breathtaking view of the city below. it's the sight of a city but the sound of nature. you can hear no horns, no cars driving by, no green peace people bribing you to change the world with them.. just birds and wind rustling through the trees, and occasionally the sound of a flute coming from the musician of the mountain(whom i have only spotted once). it's the prime place to read, crochet, journal, modpodge, think, play frisbee, and just be. it's my escape and i will truly miss it when i leave.

In the summertime the sun don't shine in the town we live in..

2008-06-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

so i'm beginning to realize the affects of the lack of sunshine in the upper north west. with only 68 out of the 365 days a year being clear, sunny days, it gets a little gloomy here in portland. the thing that i'm confused about is that it's summer time. june 3. ok so not exactly summer, but where are those 68 days of sun? i've seen approximately 3 half days since i've been here, which i guess equals to about 1.5 full days, so there's gotta be at least another 66.5 days of good sunny weather out there just waiting to be found. i've always been a huge fan of rain but i could go for a nice sunshiny day right about now. so in the words of matt costa; it's summertime come on take the sun off the shelf. but it's so gloomy. doo doo. yeah it's so gloomy.

things i suck at

2008-05-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

ever since i moved to portland i've been looking for a job. people hiring right now are few and far between..apparently i need to try again, "further into summer." that's what i keep being told anyway. so since i have a lot of free time on my hands, these are some things i have realized that i suck at.
underlining.
folding maps back the way they were before i opened them.
reading a book withought skipping ahead to the next paragraph or next chapter or even the last page when a word or different font catches my eye.
naming things.
remembering movie titles.
getting my words out in an order that makes sense (dannae, you know this).
waking up to my alarm.
tennis.
watching black at white movies.
guessing people's age.
putting away my laundry within 3 days after taking it out of the dryer.
fake laughing.
rolling my tongue.
talking to pets.
remembering where i put my keys.
remembering most things.
calling people back.

...the list thus far

sunshine

2008-05-24T18:56:00.001-07:00

day 5... a good day for dandelions

5 days here and i finally see the sun. the first signs of summer are here! now don't get me wrong i love a good rainy day and snuggling up with a cup of tea but the warm weather just does it for me. there's something about summer time..in portland especially...that puts people in a good mood. not to mention it is filled with bike rides and playing tennis and barbeques and meeting new people..all of which happened today. i'm beginning to think i was made for this place.

soundtrack of my life right now

2008-05-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

so goodbye for a while
i'm off to explore every boundary and every door.
i'm out to learn more
about who i really was before.
yeah i'm going north.
missy higgins

what i'm learning

2008-05-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

after living in california for the past 3 years, there a few things i will have to get used to while living in portland this summer...
1. i can't pump my own gas. trust me i've tried and received scornful looks from the gas station attendants (i'm not sure if they have official names or anything) then i saw him sneak a peak at my license plate and i'm pretty sure he judged me as a silly californian even though i am far from it. i contemplated sharing with him my story about how i'm really from colorado and proud of it but my parents moved to california after i was away at college and i had to get california plates, but i figured the damage had already been done. no room for excuses, everyone should know that you don't pump your own gas in oregon. but i learned my lesson..i will never try that again.
2. there is a lack of toilet seat covers. perhaps because it is seen as a waste of paper?
3. people at stores completely support helping you reduce, reuse and recycle. whether this means cramming 18 items into one trader joes bag or giving you the option of no receipt. i could get used to this.
4. when giving directions, people always draw you a map. in costa mesa it's take a left or hang a right or go toward the ocean and most of the time i'm not even sure where i am, i just know which way to go..but in portland everything is made simple by drawing it out. i also appreciate this.
5. there are great 24 hour places to study late, go out for coffee at midnight or enjoy some crazy donuts. voodoo donuts has a wide variety of things you would never assume to be on a donut. for example: bacon, froot loops, captain crunch, oreos and caramel, just to name a few. also, the 24 hour starbucks is a great alternative to our 11pm closing time and provides a great space for late night studiers.
6. the vanilla lattes here are killer. you thought starbucks was good? try one from a local coffee shop. i could drink them all day.
7. people don't freak out when it rains. it is a regular occurance and instead of people suddenly forgetting how to drive when it starts sprinkling, everyone just throws their hood on and continues business as usual.
8. the people are so friendly. and it's more than just the surfer/beach town feel, it's like people really wanna just talk to you.
there's bound to be a long list of these lessons to be learned but it's only my 2nd day in this wonderful city and i'm loving every bit of it.